Thursday, December 30, 2010

Of Shame and Redemption

Shame first: Shame on you Germany! You may wonder what the heck I mean by this, but trust me, all will be revealed. Today Jak and I decided to check out a local ski hill that he had not yet skied at. We should have realized that things would be less than fantastic when the line to park was out the gate, and it cost 1.50 Euro to park. Alas, we are nothing if not fatally optimistic and following a quick trip to the WC we paid our 30 Euro and got in line. Those reading stateside may think of an orderly queue, but rest assured it was nothing of the sort. That is where the shame comes in. How can an entire people be entirely without any ability to organize themselves? The cue to the lift was about 150 people doing their best rendition of Brownian motion, slowly, slowly, slowly making slight progress towards the lift. Now some could argue that it was simply the amount of people involved, or that it is our jobs biasing us, but let me point out some fallacies in the notion. We are in Germany, a land theoretically known for order and propriety, so let us imagine the opposite world. You have seen the pictures of the circumambulation of the Ka'aba, that is 20 or 30,000 or more Muslim pilgrims from multiple countries speaking multiple languages and they can pull it off smoothly. I have seen the documentary. There are obviously no German Muslims, because they wouldn't manage a single trip around the darn place. This leaves out the little bonus features such as chain smoking and lack of basic hygiene (i.e. deodorant) that our companions suffered with. Suffice to say that after 35 min, we made it to the top, skied down for 8 or 9 min, and then waited 55 min to get back up, than skied another 10 min, at which point we did not have the time to make it to the front of the line before the lift closed. Not a good day skiing, and not a good example of the mythical "alles in ordnung."
Redemption came in the form of food. Jak and I stopped at Netto on the way home to grab some bread. And potato salad. And terrible candy for Alli. Fortunately for German-American relations, the aforementioned was all amazing (save the candy) and quite cheap. It produced a dinner that managed to reduce our rage and hatred of people who cannot form lines to a manageable level, and life as we know it continued on. I suppose every day cannot be perfect.
P.S. That smile of Jak's in the picture? It is forced, and even then only successful because 3 Snowboarders had just crashed behind me. While walking. But being good at what you do is an entirely different rant for an entirely different day.


  1. Dear Nate,

    The last time the Germans used extreme organization and partook in mass showering, bad things happened. So their solution, not surpisingly, was to become more like the Russians in terms of organization (those equally genocidal bastards had no idea how many people they killed, so they were more or less forgiven by history) and the French for hygiene (they switched from their Germanic "brausen" to the French "duschen" to show their remorse).

    I hope this helps the world understand chaotic stinky people.



    PS- If the Muslims are such experts in organization and the Germans suck so badly, how did the Muslims fail so miserably during the Yom Kippur War? The Germans had absolutely no problems with inflicting mass cas on the Jewish population.*

    *I do not in any way support genocide, I'm just making a point via historical referencing. The Nazis were terrible, as were the Egyptians, Syrians, Iraqis and Jordanians of the Yom Kippur War.

  2. Sam always manages to take it to the next level. Sorry you had a crappy day! haha.

  3. I had no idea I would get a history lesson here!! You can add Concord, NH to the list of most disorganized places. I live 2 miles from work and it takes me 15-20 mins to get there. One-ways, construction, citizen-hating police... At least you got a great meal at the end of the line. It does, however, sound like a totally crappy day off the slopes! I love & miss you guys. Happy New Year, Jessi & Nathan!! Love, Auntie Joni