Dear Met-Life, You Suck

The above may not be all that fair. But Met-Life, you have annoyed us greatly. In case you are wondering as to the source of our great frustration (aside, how do you pronounce that word, Jak says the "r" must be pronounced, I say she talks funny) is that they are making us close on Tuesday, so by us I mean me with a power of attorney, which is not as cuddly as Jak. I apologize for the run on sentence there, they have provoked that sort of running on anger. Nonetheless, we will have a house on Tuesday, even though it will be more than a year before we can both be in it at the same time. But that does give an opportunity for the rest of you; USE OUR HOUSE!! Just moments from route 93, 2 hours north of wonderful Boston MA, minutes from beautiful Loon Mountain, this 2 bedroom stunner provides every possible amenity. Comes complete with washer and dryer, Swedish masseuse (not really), real wood burning fire place (as in where you build a fire and light it, not turn on a switch) and so much more!! This can be yours for the bargain price of. . .well we cant charge rent, so we will just say wicked cheap!!! Just clean out the fridge, throw us a couple bucks for the utilities you use, or get that thing that no house can be without and leave a 6 pack from Woodstock Brewery. Ethan, that does not mean get us a singing fish, or anything of similar nature. Pa, that includes you too. Ma and Pa, no abandoning the cats there, no matter how much they are fighting. Alli, do not start a brothel with your friends to pay off college. Mum and Bean, no Bud Light, okay you can have bud light, just don't tell anyone what it is, and if someone catches you with it, we don't know you. Aaron, you can leave kayaks with us, but you have to include paddles, we do not want to be up a creek without one.
On a more coherent vein (it is now my turn to write, as Miller has retreated to the latrine for the time being), it is wonderfully crisp here in the Granite State. I have finally decided to stop wearing shorts, which are a staple of my wardrobe in Virginia. I still maintain, that it must be at least below freezing to warrant any kind of jacket at all, and you must be skiing to wear a parka. Though, don't tell that to all the rapper's wearing those horrible puffy coats to hide their gats down in Roxbury. It is just so funny how great practical clothing items like goose down parkas found their way from Sir Edmund Hilary's Everest expeditions to the streets of Boston. Go figure. I guess the coats must go well with those straight brimmed ball caps with the price stickers on them and untied Timberlands (a Portsmouth, NH based company I might add). I remember growing up, that you never wanted to admit you even bought a new baseball hat, and would promptly upon purchase of the new headgear, go run it through the grass and mud a couple times and bend the brim so much that it creased, but I digress. With the cold weather has come sweater wearing, and with sweater wearing has come a Michelin Man-like appearance, or to use his proper name, a Bib-like look. Winter in New England is truly a special time of year, where men and women alike resemble lumpy marshmallows. It is during this season that no person in New Hampshire could possibly have body image issues due to the fact that very few of us have taken off enough clothes to see the proper shape of our selves, let alone see a patch of skin besides the wind-burnt tips of our noses and the frost-bitten tops of our ears. So enjoy winter while it last, because soon enough it will be spring, and with the turn of the season comes a different lumpy sort of look, one that includes massive swelling caused by our resident black fly and mosquito population. It may be cold, but be thankful that all those biting insects have yet to evolve a way to live in the ice and snow.